Friday, 20 June 2014 .
Its been many years. I'm still wondering what am I living for, and for what purpose. Been tasked with the path of life, studying and experiencing ups and downs, now I'm at what it felt like hanging on a thread between hope and despair.Everything I see seems to head towards despair. My studies are going nowhere, my cousins, friends are all ahead of me, they seem to have a firm grip in their life. Relationship has been a chore, I haven't been able to put the past away yet and it seems that my past relationship still continues to haunt me. "Do I wish to know how they are doing?" is the question I ask myself. "No." makes me curious. "Yes." Only brings more despair. hmm.. And age has a hold onto my life. I'm already getting older, and my parents who supports me are getting even older and I have the responsibility to take care of them. How I wish I had the ability to give them peace and be at ease and to enjoy life without having to support me.
I just feel like being alone, with no one else. but yet that brings despair. But having people around me, brings despair too that I'm just useless before them.
Hope, is just a glimpse of light I have in my believe that everything bleak will go away one day and all will be fine. That the will of God will be show to me my purpose in life and what the future holds for me.
For now, I'll hang on to that piece of thread, not to fall towards despair and hopefully reaching out and grab onto the hand of hope. 14:46;
A dream can only remain just a dream..