Tuesday, 27 August 2013 .

It feels like i'm wasting my life away. Everything just seems really bleak. I don't know what to do.. Should I just carry on with how i'm living? or should I change? And how do I change? I really don't know. But I know that i'm really not feeling any happiness. I asked myself, am I still alive inside? 13:54;
A dream can only remain just a dream..

Sunday, 11 August 2013 .

Back from indonesia mission trip. It was a pretty good experience for myself to see how people can live quite peacefully without high technology back here. I'm quite envious for their simple yet fufilling life.

Throughout the trip, I've been asking myself, what am I here for? The team had focus on what to do and each of them had their strong point, their talents that they can contribute. It came upon me that I actually had really nothing to contribute except "eye power" and carry stuff which everyone there are actually carrying more.

And then to put it in a bigger picture, I feel the team has been very cooperative, they all had really commentable backgrounds. I'm just like a person following around. To put it in a very very nice way, i'm like the "Phantom guy" in the team where people wouldn't notice hahaha.. which is good in a way I guess..

But yeah, I kinda like the character my buddies portray me as. "Mysterious" haha pretty cool word.. only revealing something nobody knows about me when its needed. I just hope that this doesn't turns out to be an embarassment hahaha.

But having said that, I haven't found my purpose in life yet. Basically the only inclination for me to live is my parents.. I don't have any goals I wish to achieve in life. I'm still searching for my purpose after so many years. When I think about the future, I get pitch black.. How I wish God would reveal to me strongly my purpose for existing... A loner is pretty cool, but like that title sounds, its kinda lonely, I felt like that only after I've ruined my relationship. I guess some people only realise how important some things are after they're gone eh? But well, its too late. Just act cool on the outside yeah. 02:01;
A dream can only remain just a dream..

Wednesday, 7 August 2013 .

Guys put in more effort for something they treasure.. Not like U.
You rarely care.

Guys give them surprises, and do special things.. Not like U.
You only listen and nv do any changes

He knows how to talk to make people happy.. Not like U.

U are JUST someone who doesn't understand my position

Ouch.

*Thinks of other things to add in but I shouldn't waste effort typing*

People can type out their posts so nicely.. Not like U.
hahahaha

16:22;
A dream can only remain just a dream.. No matter what issues, I feel the hardest of all is the matters of the heart..

A famous quote goes by: "What is yours will be yours."

I was wondering..
If its not mine, why should it seek shelter in me?
If its mine, why would it fly away one day?
If its not meant to be mine, it shouldn't come to me in the first place.. it should have just walked pass to spare me the misery.

I should have realised i'm not good enough. Thinking back, what reason I would have that could have made you change your mind and stayed? None. I cannot even think of a "I should have done this, I should have done that.. then maybe.. MAYBE things could be different.." because there was nothing I could have done. I was utterly dissappointing and have completely lost.

Were there memories worth remembering? or was it for the best that they should be forgotten?

If time could rewind, would you choose to take my hand to lead you once again through this same journey? Or do you actually think you made the wrong choice in the first place?

Because I cannot offer you assurance, neither can I offer you the happiness nor the fun and laughter you wished. In fact, there is uncertainity, tears, mundane and boredom.

The one thing I can offer is supposedly nothing worth mentioning..

Tomorrow going to indonesia for 5 days.. and everyone is hoping for a safe trip.
But I'm hoping i'll disappear along with everyone memories of me.
I'm not that bad as to have people feel sad for me haha..so they gotta have their memories of me wiped.

But yeah.. back to reality.

Life's tough.

Matters of the heart is hardest thing to deal with..period. 04:42;
A dream can only remain just a dream..

Tuesday, 6 August 2013 .

Its 4 in the morning, and I couldn't sleep. Not sure why I've been thinking of her more and more.. Although we're not together anymore and we each have our own lifes, I can't help but get flashbacks of the times we spent..

My thoughts are stuck in time.. repeating after every cycle. When will the cycle end? when will it stop?

While loving someone is to see through his or her happiness, its really not easy watching the process haha.. 04:23;
A dream can only remain just a dream..