Monday, 27 May 2013 .
To be honest, throughout the 9 months I've been telling myself to forget my memories of her.. Ironically, I'm also afraid to let it go. I'm even still using the wallet given by her which is now already torn and tattered and full of holes to the point that its beyond repair..Just like the condition of my wallet, It is beyond hope.. 9 months ago, after she ended our relationship, I told myself "I guess i'm not a good enough to take care of her." So I find ways to improve myself and my ways and thinking..
Just when I find things are getting more calm, two days ago she told me she's attached (through sms). Although my mind have expected this news to come sooner or later, my heart wasn't ready to take it. I was kinda taken aback by the news. Nevertheless, trying hard to keep my composure in public, I gave my blessings to her.
Throughout the day, I've been suffering flashbacks of the good and bad times i've been through with her.. thoughts and feelings which were buried deep within were surfaced. Eventually the feeling became overwhelming.. and as I went back home, I immediately went to take a long evening nap..
Waking up late at night, I find myself suddenly feeling really alone.. No one was at home. My parents went overseas. That little dim light that shines through the hallway as I opened my door made me feel as if i'm already helpless..
Not wanting to dwell on this feeling any longer, I began to occupy myself in my late night computer session. That was when a friend of mine sent his greetings to me in Skype messager.
Feeling down inside, I've decided to let it out by just telling him how i'm feeling so that he'll at least give me some encouragement and support..
Never did I expect, that asking for some encouragement would turn that really "dimlight" feeling into something "pitchblack"... 04:55;
A dream can only remain just a dream..