Wednesday, 29 May 2013 .

The past days have been quite torturing.. She has been treating her beau the way I wanted to be treated when we were together. Gives him time? saying things like "He got more important things to do, I think those are more important." So how about the things I did in the past? During my army days you argued with me past 4am when I had training at 5.30am, during work you expected me to reply to your messages fast when I had a pile of work on going.. So now you understood him. But before why didn't you understand me? Although I didn't mind neglecting things more important for her, but this time I felt unfair.

Yesterday she suddenly told me since I go church go join a cg better. And told me that its important in my christian life. I was puzzled. Why suddenly tell me this? why she would know about cellgroup activities and also saying it as "cg" as if its a common thing to her. So I asked, "why all of a sudden talk about cg?" her reply was "Cause now I going to become a christian." and she says she's attending follow up lessons from her "leader"..

I thought to myself.. For 4 years, I've been requesting you to go to church, to know more about God, to let you experience God.. For you to know my thoughts better. But you did not want to and you turn yourself away from it. I did not give up and I continued to pray for you every time. But now all of a sudden you're attending church, joined a cell group, and became very enthu to ask people to come saying its good and telling ME of all people that joining a cell group is important!? You can know everyone in a church, you can take part in missions, ministries, joining cell groups, charity work ..and maybe probably or even must be for your beau's sake? But one thing is for sure.. you did not even include God. Which means you currently aren't genuine.. which is sad.

I felt like I'm treated just like a stepping stone.. a guinea pig.. someone to test temperature before throwing me away. Just when I've finish making plans, you throw me away and didn't even tell me face to face.. you just used text.

Maybe now you might have grown, became more mature.. but you're still not mature enough to realise how I feel when you told me these. I still worry for you, but its hurting. And I wonder why am I thinking all these when I've already become nothing to you..

I really need to let it go.. 19:33;
A dream can only remain just a dream..