Saturday, 15 September 2007 .
Yo~ its been a long time since I blogged =.=..well not that long though about a week?
I'm glad that I have at least some people who visited my blog frequently to see if there are any new posts ^^ but sorry to give all of you dissappointment always lolz..so my sincere apologies. (Actually you all can just chat with me on msn though..)
Few thoughts are running through my mind this afternoon when i was chatting with my friends and a new friend i've just met said "You all are really so good friends" and the first sentance in my mind was "yeah.. but for how long?" of course i didn't really say that lolz..
It may seem that when we have really good friends, we hope this friendship will always last forever. I have my buddies and known them for many years; but the life is really different.. we each have our own lifes to go and only once in awhile, we meet up together for a casual outing.
Take this for an example: when you're in primary school you have good friends. After moving to secondary school you made new good friends and sort of forgetting your primary school friends most of the time.
So what the future holds? We all don't know.. we can anytime make new friends in an new environment and neglecting or forgetting old ones. Why am I thinking of all these? Coz at times, for some reason I feel closer to other friends than to my buddies lol~ (not implying that i'm gonna forget you guys lol..just "FEELING")
A new working environment, no time for each other, disagreements, misunderstandings, and arguements are some other reasons for good friends to part their ways..
Anyway.. just hope that after many years and hopefully till the end of time, my buddies and I will still remain in contact with each other..
Well some other stuffs~ I've had my english exam last thursday and OMG I don't even understand even one question in the paper..and its sooo complicated and "chim". Some of you guys might think "OMG ITS ENGLISH AND IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE UNDERSTANDABLE!" well.. take this for example:
In the sentance "We are requesting that all students take the test" state which word in the sentance is a subjunctive noun clause?
well anybody understand? lol.. there are other things like.. to find the meaning or difference or word which represents..
Adverbs of space, time and sequence, time expression, and reduced to participal phrases..
Indefinite article and definite article.
Articles with quantifiers or with count and non-count nouns..
Adverbial clauses of time, comparison, contrast, concession, purpose, and cause and result..
As well as others like infinitives and gerunds etc.. and more~ but its too much.
Well.. any of you understand what it all means? if you do please tell me =.=
But however, good news.. i got 56/100 for it.. and I anyhow guessed every single question~ haha..
Overall..i'm carrying on with life for the sake of just living.. and for some of you who think that i'm not ok being alone~ its fine with me =X a friend put his msn nick as "PEOPLE CANNOT WIN AGAINEST THEIR LONELINESS" well i can say "I CAN!"
Thats it for today
..thanks again for those who visit my blog frequently~
ArtixSkyX, Paul
04:14; I'm glad that I have at least some people who visited my blog frequently to see if there are any new posts ^^ but sorry to give all of you dissappointment always lolz..so my sincere apologies. (Actually you all can just chat with me on msn though..)
Few thoughts are running through my mind this afternoon when i was chatting with my friends and a new friend i've just met said "You all are really so good friends" and the first sentance in my mind was "yeah.. but for how long?" of course i didn't really say that lolz..
It may seem that when we have really good friends, we hope this friendship will always last forever. I have my buddies and known them for many years; but the life is really different.. we each have our own lifes to go and only once in awhile, we meet up together for a casual outing.
Take this for an example: when you're in primary school you have good friends. After moving to secondary school you made new good friends and sort of forgetting your primary school friends most of the time.
So what the future holds? We all don't know.. we can anytime make new friends in an new environment and neglecting or forgetting old ones. Why am I thinking of all these? Coz at times, for some reason I feel closer to other friends than to my buddies lol~ (not implying that i'm gonna forget you guys lol..just "FEELING")
A new working environment, no time for each other, disagreements, misunderstandings, and arguements are some other reasons for good friends to part their ways..
Anyway.. just hope that after many years and hopefully till the end of time, my buddies and I will still remain in contact with each other..
Well some other stuffs~ I've had my english exam last thursday and OMG I don't even understand even one question in the paper..and its sooo complicated and "chim". Some of you guys might think "OMG ITS ENGLISH AND IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE UNDERSTANDABLE!" well.. take this for example:
In the sentance "We are requesting that all students take the test" state which word in the sentance is a subjunctive noun clause?
well anybody understand? lol.. there are other things like.. to find the meaning or difference or word which represents..
Adverbs of space, time and sequence, time expression, and reduced to participal phrases..
Indefinite article and definite article.
Articles with quantifiers or with count and non-count nouns..
Adverbial clauses of time, comparison, contrast, concession, purpose, and cause and result..
As well as others like infinitives and gerunds etc.. and more~ but its too much.
Well.. any of you understand what it all means? if you do please tell me =.=
But however, good news.. i got 56/100 for it.. and I anyhow guessed every single question~ haha..
Overall..i'm carrying on with life for the sake of just living.. and for some of you who think that i'm not ok being alone~ its fine with me =X a friend put his msn nick as "PEOPLE CANNOT WIN AGAINEST THEIR LONELINESS" well i can say "I CAN!"
Thats it for today
..thanks again for those who visit my blog frequently~
ArtixSkyX, Paul
A dream can only remain just a dream..
Tuesday, 4 September 2007 .
Hi guys~ I don't know why..its really tempting to post something personal in this blog =.= Either its natural for one to do that..or maybe I can't help it? Time for an essay writing~ lol..When I was born, it was like i'm a subsitute for my brother. My parents always mentioned about my brother on how better than me he would be if he was still around. I do love my parents but why do i not feel most loved? My parents didn't understand me, they made me feel inferior to others. "Everything I've done was for a good purpose..I don't care about myself,I get no benefits, I have no motive and no selfish reasons..why can't you just all understand? why do you always have to critize me in everything?" that is what i felt like saying to them~..but nah.
I lived my younger days lifelessly..Getting into fights... Yes, getting into fights..in the past,by alot of people..even friends of my parents. But there were some whom tried to provoke me and hit me but I didn't retaliate back.. No i wasn't timid~ but something in me tells me not to get back at them..sympathy perhaps? Why..why do i still care for them even when they treat me bad? Back then..when i was younger, I wiped my tears and carry the burden along as I go on.. Now when I think back, I wondered, why wasn't I more heartless in the past? I could have faught back instead..
It doesn't end yet..I had a turning point in life. It didn't turned for the good..rather it turned for the worse. I had an incident that almost got me killed..but i was saved~ The consequences for that? More people mocked at me, laughed at me and critize me..because of how i changed over that incident. I thought to myself.. why must I live? why must I be saved? Everything could be over if I died..
When I was older, I had slight hope that life would just be better. But I was wrong, that hope was shattered in front of me..
Many at times I wondered..after being tortured, humiliated and hurt.. should I just end it all? I've been thinking..what is my purpose of living? What impact have I had on people around me? Why keep me alive when I seem so useless and lifeless..
Does your heart ever hurt so much that it just felt like it's been stabbed a million times? Your veins stretching itself in pain according to your agony? Your tears endlessly flowing even though your feeling is numbed and you wonder why you're crying? And with all that.. I have it in silence. All kept within myself and nobody will ever know.
I longed for a better life..I wanted self-confidence, self-esteem. I envy those who are happy..and is able to go through all challanges and trials in life. I just can't..i'm weak and useless. What good is there in me? I don't know..there are always thoughts of "Really" ending my life and end everything. But because of few good friends I have.. I chose to strive on in my own darkness.
An emo post? haha...not quite true. Just needed to vent out myself once in awhile.. Don't hate me for posting this ^^ i'm not asking for your pityness or sympathy hor... just nid to write something~
It's nothing much hor.. don't take it seriously please.. >_>
Wandering around lifelessly.. not knowing the purpose of his existance..
I wondered...Is this life?
ArtixSky, Paul 01:01;
A dream can only remain just a dream..